five days ago, a plea came from my dad: please come home. its been a while (yea, 4 yrs is a long time)
two days ago, an sms received from my sis: are u coming back? second aunt is coming over to our hometown.
to both i replied: im sorry, i cant.
this year would be the 6th Chinese New Year consecutively i will be away from my family. the last i remembered was also the last time i saw my now-deceased-grandma (who was the only living grandparent i had that time). i remembered receiving a hungbao with taiwanese currency in it. i still have it as part of my collectibles.
i wish i could go home. the offer from both unis are taking ages. despite, i have an internship interview this coming tuesday, and my part time admin assistant job starts next thursday.
i could visually imagine what would happen: (if nothing has changed)
-houses will be pristine clean the day before: you cant sweep ur house on CNY, its bad luck..
-kuchong (extended family) will act as the butcher and sacrifice one big and giant pig! until now, i refused to observe how he did it. i know lots others took enjoyment seeing the pig being held by two other muscular men fighting its life, beggin for mercy.
-then the cooking galore will begin. the pig will magically turned to at least 5 different pork dishes.
-the best part would be the dinner and what comes afterward. the hungbao, the karaoke, the adults will occupy the living room for the adult-talk and the kids and the young will be somewhere playing cards. throughout the night, some of the adult will frequent the kids’ joint for a small talk.
-then opening hampers will be one of the joy (we do receive hampers from diff ppl esp from the suppliers of my mum and dad businesses).
i wonder if i were back home, which group i would be in. would it be the adult or the kids.. haha…
feeling nostalgic, i havent seen my brother for 2 years and i havent seen my youngest sister for at least 4 yrs – the last time i saw her pic on my dad’s mobile, i couldnt recognise her.
i make a mental note that i will be (at any cost) going back to indo. its a question of mid or end of year. i could ignore and succumb to my sad-feeling now, and abandon my work commitment, defer my studies (should the offer come) and take a year off.
sometimes, i wish i do not have to make choices. at the same time, what are human without choices?