through conversations in passing over the years, i have learnt a lot of things above love. many have also pointed out that men’s benchmark of the ideal one as that of his loving mother. a mother was the first person you have interacted since you were conceived. the person you have placed your life dependency for the first nine months of your life. among the first person who smiled at you despite her painful labor hours before. among the first person who gave you the hug that you probably wouldn’t even remember. the person no matter what you have become will always love you unconditionally.
my mother is no different. i seldom raise about the influence in which my mom has on me in this blog. but its not because she’s not worth mentioning. Instead, words alone are not equipped to describe her as a person and a mother.
everybody said that his/her mother is the best mother in the world. i wouldnt trade mine for theirs. for my mother has not only the source of constant love that i have been grateful and at times take them for granted, but she has been the source of inspiration. she is the person who has shaped and defined me as a person.
but i used to dislike her as a child. i remembered the times when she was the figure i most feared. i remembered when she used to say a flat NO to the things a child is entitled for being the kid - be it candies, comic book, television, and playing with friends. but what i remembered most is the regular hitting that i received every time i wanted to be around her and using it as an excuse for not doing the things that im supposed to do - like not taking shower in time, being a nuisance when she was at work or when i was in cold war with my dad over my choice to be a Catholic.
those were expected and rightfully so. for she was a very busy person even until now. she was a businesswoman who knew how to be independent and responsible for her family. she was a tough person when things seem to be against the odd. she stood by the family through thick and thin. even though i knew that she put on masks in public to conceal her many disappointments and sadness.
you know you love a person so much when you are happy when they are and felt the arrow struck right in the middle of your heart when they are in pain. you felt a jolt in your normal day when you thought that something must be wrong and you place that call and realise the string of attachment is above spiritual level. you cannot bear the thought of her having to leave you eventually be it for human evolution or just for a temporary goodbye.
i learn to love her more when i’m not around her. i have been living away from my family since i was 14. there was a time when i was on the other side of the world, she called me and we spoke for a near two hours (i have never spoken to her that long over international call before). and she broke the conventional rule among us. she was the first to apologise for not being there for me when i was young. my eyes were swollen with tears when i heard this. it’s not the form of the apology but the thought of her letting me down is what destroyed me.
i just wanna say that Mum.. you are the greatest person i have known in my life and you have never ever let me down for a single second of my life. i might not be able to return a small fraction of the unconditional love you have given to me through all these years and for many many more years to come. but i can only try.
i love you.
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